Walk on Water

Yesterday I feel so depressed. I’ve been feeling better physically for about a week now, but I still feel depressed almost everyday and I don’t understand why. When I feel the pains setting in, I’d feel anxious that I won’t be able to do the things I want to do, not just for the day but for the future… Then I’d feel depressed… Then I’ll have more pains. It’s a cycle according to Miss A, and she’s right. So when I feel pains, or anxious or depressed, I text my friends for encouragement. Yesterday I texted my accountability partner: “….I want to be well. I want to be stable.” She answered: “You will be. Think of happy thoughts. Mind over matter. Don’t speak of your weakness. Boast of your strength in Him. Don’t confess your sickness. Believe His healing. Reject sadness. Claim His joy.” It’s ironic that I spoke about joy in my cell group last Sunday and I can’t seem to find joy this week. My friend’s texts were encouraging, but somehow I don’t feel encouraged. I need to do something. I remember Miss A telling me to do this when I feel pains:

“Try to imagine a peaceful place, a place where you want to go to. Imagine you are in that place. Try to relax. What would you do if you’re in that place? Do it. Now, imagine God in the picture. What is He doing? Try this everytime you feel pain, and everytime you do it, try to put God in the picture. For migraines try to imagine greeneries…..”

When I first tried it, I imagined I’m in the beach alone. I find the ocean very tranquil. I want to lie on the sand, so I imagined myself lying on the sand. When I put God in the picture, I can’t imagine Him there. I can only imagine that He is watching over me. I think this means that He knows what I am going through… that He is in control… that He is Sovereign… that He is there for me.

Yesterday I did this again. I imagined myself lying on the sand, listening to the peaceful ocean. Then I imagined God entering the picture. What did He do? He held my hand, told me to rise and walk on water. I was reminded of the verses where Jesus walked on water and He asked Peter to walk on water too.

²² Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. ²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

  ²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

 ²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

 ²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

 ²⁹ “Come,” he said.

   Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

 ³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

 ³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14: 22-32 (NIV)

To walk on water is impossible! But God is telling me something here. The ocean represents an ocean of impossibilities for me. It seems impossible that I will be well… because according to my readings and researches on fibromyalgia, it has no cure… yet… because the pains seem more real to me than God and His healing… because I don’t think I will be able to do the things I want to do if I don’t get well… because I feel worthless just at home… Jesus is telling me to walk on this ocean. He is telling me to believe… to have faith in Him. Peter was able to walk on water, but he began to sink because he feared the wind. We have to keep our eyes on Jesus to be able to walk on water. If we lose focus we will start to sink. However, if we do, He will save us, just like what He did to Peter. Yes, it’s difficult to keep our focus on Jesus, but through the help of the Holy Spirit we can.

The other day, I was listening to Britt Nicole while jogging (walking actually). When I was walking uphill, the song “Set the World on Fire” (acoustic version) played and the second verse said:

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
I wanna tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands

When I heard the line, “I wanna tell the broken there is healing,” I asked God, “Lord, how will I tell the broken there is healing if I myself am not healed?” To walk on water is to believe that I can be healed. I will be. I hope soon.