Sunday, February 26, 2012

Acupuncture

My dad and I went to an acupuncture clinic last February 18, 2012, Saturday. When we arrived in the clinic, I filled out a form. It was just a short form, an index card, so I put my basic personal details, then one of the acupuncturists said I need to put my complains in it. So I put:

Fibromyalgia: muscle pains (spasm, cramps, twitching); migraines, eye pain, difficulty breathing - tightening of neck muscles
Myofascial Pain Syndrome: back to shoulders

My dad filled out his form as well and wrote his complains. The clinic has two acupuncturists, an old man (probably the same age as my dad) and his son, his son is 30 years old. When the son read the forms, he called for his dad. My dad left to bring my sister home and to have lunch; he will go back for his session. When the old man read my complains in the form, he asked me: “Do you know the root cause of this?” I said according to my readings, the cause is not known. So he answered: “It is autoimmune.” That means my own immune system attacks my own body. I know I have an autoimmune disease which is Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, but fibromyalgia is not an autoimmune disease. I saw the old man writing something on my index card. Looks like he’s drawing or doing a formula and it looks weird because doctors don’t do that. When he finished writing, I asked: “How many needles?” He replied: “65.” I was surprised so I asked: “65!?!” 65 needles are too much, I think. I’ve been to another acupuncturist before and the maximum number of needles he placed on me in one session is 6. I was a little scared, apprehensive. I asked if all the 65 needles will have electrical current/stimulation, you see the acupuncturist I’ve been to before places a gadget on top of the needles which allows a small amount of electrical current to pass into my body and it is painful so I was worried because 65 needles all over my body with electrical current is surely painful. Just the act of pricking the skin with needles is painful enough. The acupuncturist said: “No, no electrical current. We’ll just put something on the needles and burn those.” I don’t really understand all that he said. He gave my index card to his son. His son led me to a cubicle with a bed and curtains around (which reminds me of the hospital emergency room). He gave me a piece of cloth to cover my skin, gave me instructions then he went out of the cubicle for me to prepare. I took of my pants and my blouse, lay down and covered myself with the piece of cloth and with a blazer that I brought. When he came back he started placing the needles on my legs. Some hurt, some don’t. I didn’t count how many, but if the old man said 65, 65 is a lot for me. He placed more needles on my thighs, my arms, my abdomen, my chest; he put two on my temples, two below the corner of my eyes, one on top of my head, two on the sides of my neck; then finally he put more on the soles of my feet and that part were the most painful. When he was finished placing the needles, an assistant placed something on some of needles on my legs and feet. It looks like a thick candle wick, which she burned to make the needles warm. I was able to sleep during the session. The session lasted for about two hours. I think I feel pains during the session as I try to move my hands and more pains after the session. 
When I got out of the cubicle, the senior acupuncturist told me: “Stop all the vitamins you are taking… Your immune system is too intelligent that it attacks your own body. We have to balance it. We have to make your immune system unintelligent so we/acupuncture could work…” I don’t really understand what he was trying to say because I’ve been reading online, books and medical journals about fibromyalgia and none of them says that it is an autoimmune disease. If fibromyalgia is an autoimmune disease, my diagnostic tests would've shown it. Then my dad told the senior acupuncturist about my low carb diet. That I don’t eat rice and I eat a lot of meat. I actually eat meat with lots of vegetables and fruits. The acupuncturist then told me to eat rice and less meat. He said I shouldn’t eat too much nutritious food so my immune system will not be intelligent. It was all becoming funny to me, as I listen to him, inside I am laughing. Another man talked to me. I thought he’s also an acupuncturist because he seems to be very knowledgeable about acupuncture. He simply said he gives seminars (because the senior acupuncturist teaches). He said that if my illness progresses it will become lupus. Haha! I really don’t understand where these people are coming from. I told the man I’ll try to research about it. He answered that if I research I should go as far as the Ming Dynasty. The man also told me that my healing is guaranteed. He and the senior acupuncturist were telling me that they were somewhere in Visayas to treat patients. I can’t remember the figures but I remember them saying that most of those patients are healed now. Okay. I don’t know what else to say. A lot of things are running in my mind. How could he guarantee healing? Even the greatest of doctors does not guarantee healing to their patients especially if they know the condition is incurable or terminal. They only guarantee that they will do the best they can to help and treat their patients. Only God can guarantee healing, and even if He guarantees it, He does not give it to everyone and He has His reasons. And the man who said that when my medical condition progresses it will become lupus, I noticed a cigar pack on his shirt pocket, so how does he expect me to believe him and all that he said?

Although I don’t believe in the explanations of the acupuncturist and the man in the clinic, I do believe in alternative treatment. I just hope alternative treatments will record their studies and findings so it can be used as evidence for treatment of other medical cases. I had my second acupuncture session last Friday. I’ve been to more than fifteen doctors with different specializations and none of them had the answer. I went through many diagnostic tests and all turned out normal. With all that I’ve tried, I think there’s no harm in trying acupuncture. I can only hope for the best with this kind of treatment, and the best could mean my pains could be alleviated, or as the clinic said, I’ll be completely healed. I’ve had two sessions now, 8 more sessions to go.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Walk on Water


Yesterday I feel so depressed. I’ve been feeling better physically for about a week now, but I still feel depressed almost everyday and I don’t understand why. When I feel the pains setting in, I’d feel anxious that I won’t be able to do the things I want to do, not just for the day but for the future… Then I’d feel depressed… Then I’ll have more pains. It’s a cycle according to Miss A, and she’s right. So when I feel pains, or anxious or depressed, I text my friends for encouragement. Yesterday I texted my accountability partner: “….I want to be well. I want to be stable.” She answered: “You will be. Think of happy thoughts. Mind over matter. Don’t speak of your weakness. Boast of your strength in Him. Don’t confess your sickness. Believe His healing. Reject sadness. Claim His joy.” It’s ironic that I spoke about joy in my cell group last Sunday and I can’t seem to find joy this week. My friend’s texts were encouraging, but somehow I don’t feel encouraged. I need to do something. I remember Miss A telling me to do this when I feel pains:

“Try to imagine a peaceful place, a place where you want to go to. Imagine you are in that place. Try to relax. What would you do if you’re in that place? Do it. Now, imagine God in the picture. What is He doing? Try this everytime you feel pain, and everytime you do it, try to put God in the picture. For migraines try to imagine greeneries…..”

When I first tried it, I imagined I’m in the beach alone. I find the ocean very tranquil. I want to lie on the sand, so I imagined myself lying on the sand. When I put God in the picture, I can’t imagine Him there. I can only imagine that He is watching over me. I think this means that He knows what I am going through… that He is in control… that He is Sovereign… that He is there for me.

Yesterday I did this again. I imagined myself lying on the sand, listening to the peaceful ocean. Then I imagined God entering the picture. What did He do? He held my hand, told me to rise and walk on water. I was reminded of the verses where Jesus walked on water and He asked Peter to walk on water too.

22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
  25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
 27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
 28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
 29 “Come,” he said.
   Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
 32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Matthew 14: 22-32 (NIV)

To walk on water is impossible! But God is telling me something here. The ocean represents an ocean of impossibilities for me. It seems impossible that I will be well… because according to my readings and researches on fibromyalgia, it has no cure… yet… because the pains seem more real to me than God and His healing… because I don’t think I will be able to do the things I want to do if I don’t get well… because I feel worthless just at home… Jesus is telling me to walk on this ocean. He is telling me to believe… to have faith in Him. Peter was able to walk on water, but he began to sink because he feared the wind. We have to keep our eyes on Jesus to be able to walk on water. If we lose focus we will start to sink. However, if we do, He will save us, just like what He did to Peter. Yes, it’s difficult to keep our focus on Jesus, but through the help of the Holy Spirit we can.

The other day, I was listening to Britt Nicole while jogging (walking actually). When I was walking uphill, the song “Set the World on Fire” (acoustic version) played and the second verse said:

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
I wanna tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands

When I heard the line, “I wanna tell the broken there is healing,” I asked God, “Lord, how will I tell the broken there is healing if I myself am not healed?” To walk on water is to believe that I can be healed. I will be. I hope soon.


Health is Wealth

Yes, health is wealth. A phrase that means a lot to me. It is important to be healthy because if you're healthy, you're wealthy... or if you're healthy, you can be wealthy. You can interpret in any way you want. Health is something that is priceless. Your personal health is something that you probably ignore until something happens. There are lots of things you won't be able to do if your health fails.

I personally didn't give much importance to my health, until about three years ago. I started to feel pains and the pains are growing. There are a lot of many other symptoms with the pains. Through research I knew it is fibromyalgia. A weird illness that is not degenerative. Doctors don't want to say it's the definitive diagnosis because most doctors don't know about it. It is difficult to understand. It is difficult to live with. I learned a lot while living with it and perhaps I would not learn those things if I don't have it. At times I could think it's a curse, but it's a blessing in a way.

I finally had the time to setup a blog and in this blog I would share things that I learned about health and my faith. I would definitely not survive this battle without God and I hope that I'd be able to help others who has it and maybe those who has other illnesses.

It could be possible to live healthy with fibromyalgia and I am just starting to learn to do that. For now, I can say that a healthy body, mind and soul is necessary, not just for those who have illnesses but for everyone.



So what is fibromyalgia? I used Claudia Marek's letter to explain the illness to my friends. Claudia Marek is a nurse in the US who also has fibromyalgia. You can find the letter here.